I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
