this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
