I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
