it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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