Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
