its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
