Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
