Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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