You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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