You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
