i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize