New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
