allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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