i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
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I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
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Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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