When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
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I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
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I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"