She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.