How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
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i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hippo gnu deer
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
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No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.