So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?