I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.