There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
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Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
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I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.