a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
