I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
