about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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