i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
