I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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