My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
