dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
