i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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