I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
