I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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