no one should ever give us hovercrafts
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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