is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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