When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
