I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
