we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Send help, water and tortillas.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
