My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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