Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
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MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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