idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
