just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
