He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
