Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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