Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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