Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
