haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
