is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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