You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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