Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
