ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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