Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
