what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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