apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
