im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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