we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
