I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
one might say we're banned from that church
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
