why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
