i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
