So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
