and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
