some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
