I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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