um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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