I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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