i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
